Realising you are the problem & dropping the blame game

Firstly, I would like to start this blog post off by saying that I have decided to include personal realisations and understandings from my own life in this blog. Whenever I would try to create a blog in the past, I would always have the issue of not having anything interesting to discuss, or perhaps, not having the imagination to capture it within a blog. With that being said, I feel confident writing now. Whether or not what I write is in any way entertaining or engaging to read is another story, then again, I did learn some time ago that if you are creating things solely for the purpose of impressing others, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. So to get to the point, I will be including blog posts with subject material such as this from time to time.

Understanding others

Realising you are the problem is a difficult thing to do. It means putting aside your pride and your 'understanding' of how things are. Whenever we are attacked in life we assume a defensive position by retaliating, however, we should instead try to understand the person attacking initially, and focus on why they are saying what they saying. This probably sounds like basic psychology to you, the reader, but in my life this has actually been a rather recent revelation. It's made me think a lot about how different we all are in terms of how we think and perceive situations. You have to remember that every time you talk to someone about anything, they do not see the world as you do. Even if said person is similar to you, or holds the same beliefs, they are still different to you. I think maintaining this knowledge at all times is key in understanding those around you. Through understanding others around you, you are a step closer to avoiding confrontation, or eliminating it when it occurs. Understanding the person you are confronting is key, because you can begin to access whether the person is actually attacking you to hurt you, or if they are trying to help you, or perhaps are just upset. You and the person standing before you have different 'understandings' of the situation, and therefore need to meet in the middle to resolve the conflict.

Now, while understanding is important in resolving confrontations and knowing your loved ones, another perhaps more important point is that of realising you are the problem within conflicts. I read a tweet from a professional wrestler that I follow who wrote ''If you have beef or issues with everyone you know, either you need to know new people or consider the possibility that you're the problem'' and I realised that I am the problem within the conflicts occurring around me. Whilst it is true that most confrontations between two people have issues and wrongdoings on both sides, there is always one person that is the instigator or the propagator of the issues. You are either trying to worsen the problem, or trying to solve it. I realised in my own life that instead of blaming others around me and holding all of this anger and frustration within myself, I had to let it all go and accept my main fault, being that I am in confrontations with so many around me, pointing the finger of blame at everyone but myself.

Dropping the blame game

This leads to me to my final point. You will never be happy in life if you continue to pursue the blame game. Sure, people will hurt you, wrong you etc, but that's life. You have to be stronger, you have to understand more, you have to be forgiving, but most importantly, you have to stop blaming and embrace those around you. Most of things people say when they are angry or upset are just the result of defense. They are defending themselves from your attack. Instead of attacking next time, try dropping the blame game and simply try to understand the other person, even if you disagree with everything they say. There is a reason why they are saying what they saying, and that's what it is important.

- Christian Reeve

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